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Yesterday, 5p.m.

Facebook? Blah!

Some of my friends and acquaintances have sent me Facebook invitations.
So far I have not signed up, and can not see any reason why I should.
When I went to the Facebook site, I could not step through the door even to take a look, unless I signed up. Yet at the same time there was no information there as to what Facebook is, nor why I would wish to join up.
A social networking site?
What is that?
I've looked at Myspace, and found it thoroughly dire, I understand facebook to be myspace for grown-ups. Do enlighten me, dear people. Do, please try to explain to me a few reasons why I might want to sign in. Bearing in mind that I have no idea what blogging is about, and have recently been neglectful of my implied commitment to blog every now and then.
Facebook? Blah!

Revisited: The Sisterhood of the Pointy Heels

You may recall that I spoke of the "Sisterhood of the Pointy Heels" long ago.

This once-secret movement, is now growing in power, and confidence.
They are marching and training openly, across the globe.

They even had a short-lived blog on Blogger a while back, I recall.
I suspect one of our blogosphere's number, recently having announced a break from blogging, was in fact called up for Officer Training.
She has been for some time, blogging, amongst other things about shoes, and seems particularly attached to the pointy heeled variety.

Sisterhood graduation. The senior Officer is not a man, but is in fact an undercover spy, called Mildred X, and is a special forces officer, trained in the infiltration of male-dominated militias.

Note the wearing of non-standardised footwear.- As we know, matching shoes with another woman is just not to be contemplated. No standard-issue Blahniks here.

Although there IS a uniform code, stockings, waistlines, hemlines (and shoes!) seem not to be regulated.

The Airforce operate in a sunny warm place, called the "cockpit", perfect for working on a tan, and evening out the skintones. (the Jimmy Choos are packed with the parachute).

The 5th-15th Forward Oriental Can-Can Regiment, on parade. Calf length boots are de rigueur for these crack troops, whose high kick advance is invincible.

The Camouflage division know the vital importance of ice-cream to forward troops.
This Ice Cream van is air-portable, and dropped by parachute into operational zones.

Engineers here are seen crocheting a camouflaged tank-cosy.


Tank Crew-members relaxing after a sortie into male-held territory
(on a "bring your toddler to work" day)


The Sistehood's jet crews found larger jets a bit pesky to park, so pointy-heeled aviation designers came up with an easier version. We catch these two right at the very moment of take-off, in early flight trials. Expendable male test pilots are used until all the glitches are ironed out.


Shoe-phones are standard issue. Hairdressing and waxing appointments are on the red "hotkeys" at the bottom of the keypad.

The phone doubles as a weapon. It can be hurled a surprising distance.


Why this post?
Hmm.
Just a reminder, ladies, You're not un-noticed.
We men have a defence strategy worked out. It might involve chocolate, or something even more fiendish, -such as tickling.

Insomnia - Irving Layton 1912-2006

After the bath
you lay on the bed
exposing layers
of beautiful washed skin
we both stared at in surprise;
long strands of hair, shiny and damp
under the yellow sunlight,
fell over your shoulders:
they made two exclamation marks
with your stiffened nipples.

And gently you fell asleep
at my side;
while I, my sweet, stayed awake
all night
who had your uncovered beauty
to think about,
your nipples troubling me
in the night
like two mysterious asterisks.

" I Knew a Woman" Theodore Roethke 1908-1963

I knew a woman, lovely in her bones,
When small birds sighed, she would sigh back at them
Ah, when she moved, she moved more ways than one:
The shapes a bright container can contain!
Of her choice virtues only gods could speak,
Or English poets who grew up on Greek
(I'd have them sing in chorus, cheek to cheek)

How well her wishes went! She stroked my chin,
She taught me Turn, and Counter-turn, and Stand,
She taught me Touch, that undulant white skin;
I nibbled meekly from her proffered hand;
She was the sickle; I, poor I, the rake,
Coming behind her for her pretty sake
(But what prodigious mowing we did make).

Loves likes a gander, and adores a goose:
Her full lips pursed, the errant note to seize;
She played it quick, she played it light and loose;
My eyes, they dazzled at her flowing knees;
Her several parts could keep a pure repose,
Or one hip quiver with a mobile noise
(She moved in circles, and those circles moved).

Let seed be grass, and grass turn into hay;
I'm martyr to a motion not my own;
What's freedom for? To know eternity.
I swear she cast a shadow white as stone.
But who would count eternity in days?
These old bones live to learn her wanton ways:
(I measure time by how a body sways).

                        THEODORE ROETHKE



 

Tom Waits from 'Small Change', 1976.

Tom Traubert's Blues, (Four Sheets to the Wind in Copenhagen)


Wasted and wounded
It ain't what the moon did
Got what I paid for now
See you tomorrow
Hey Frank can I borrow
A couple of bucks from you
To go waltzing Matilda waltzing Matilda
You'll go a-waltzing Matilda with me

I'm an innocent victim
of a blinded alley
An' I'm tired of all these soldiers here
No-one speaks English
And everything's broken
And my staceys are soaking wet,
To go waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go a waltzing Matilda with me

Now the dogs are barking
and the taxi cab's parking
A lot they can do for me
I begged you to stab me
You tore my shirt open
And I'm down on my knees tonight

Old Bushmills I staggered
You bury the dagger
Your silhouette window light
To go waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go a waltzing Matilda with me

Now I've lost my St. Christopher
Now that I've kissed her
And the one-arm bandit knows
And the maverick Chinaman
in the cold-blooded sign
And the girls down by the striptease shows go
Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go a waltzing Matilda with me

No I don't want your sympathy
Fugitives say
that the streets aren't for dreaming now
Manslaughter dragnet
and the ghosts that sell memories
They want a piece of the action anyhow
Go waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go waltzing Matilda with me

And you can ask any sailor
And the keys from the jailor
And the old men in wheelchairs know
Matilda's the defendant
She killed about a hundred
And she follows wherever you may go
Waltzing Matilda, waltzing matilda, you'll go a-waltzing matilda with me

A battered old suitcase,
In a hotel someplace,
And a wound that will never heal.
No prima donna, that perfume is on an old shirt
That is stained with
Blood and whiskey
And goodnight to the street sweepers
The night watchmen, flame keepers
And goodnight Matilda too.

"I'm gonna do a song called 'Waltzing Matilda'. It's not really the original 'Waltzing Matilda', I kinda bent it out of shape. And eh... but eh.. I was eh around this beautiful girl for a while and I was really crazy about her... so was her husband. So we could've made quite a trio on piano, bass, and drums. So eh what happened was eh... Well it's eh... Actually it's a real short story. I drank too much and I threw up over my tennis shoes and went to sleep in a men's room..." (Tom Waits, West Chester Jazz Festival. West Chester, USA, 1976)


"For a long time the story has been told, that Tom Waits wrote the song about the violinist Mathilde Bondo, and that's the truth, Mathilde assures us: 'He was in Copenhagen in 1976 to perform in a tv-show, in which I played the violin. And afterwards I of course had to show him the City - we were in Tivoli and on Christianshavn. It was a lovely night out", says Mathilde Bondo."

Hearing Impaired like a Constipated Owl

Jodee Berry, of Panama City, Florida, U.S.A., was a waitress at Hooters.
As part of a sales promotion, in April... The waitresses were told the one who sold most beer would win a new Toyota.
Or that's what she thought she heard.
Jodee won, and was led blindfold to the parking lot, and told she could take the blindfold off, and see her prize.... This. A new toy Yoda.
The manager was crying tears of mirth.
Not the winning waitress.
She sued the company, who settled out of court, after realising they were going to lose. The settlement?A sum of money, sufficient for her to go into a Toyota Dealership and choose any car she wanted.....
No news on whether she kept her old toy Yoda.


Via StumbleUpon

Dwarf, Vacuum Cleaner, ..........Superglue?

Are you with me?
Captain Dan, The Demon Dwarf, pictured below, the resident Vacuum-Dwarf of the Circus of Horrors, (who are currently performing at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival), has an act where he pulls a vacuum cleaner across the stage with his penis... Nothing strange about that, of course, simple enough good wholesome family entertainment? Well it seems he got himself into a sticky pre-dick?-ament, when he tried to mend his um... nozzle, with Superglue.

( I remember, by the way, in my schooldays, being told that 'Nature Abhors a Vacuum'... I think that phrase was commuted to 'nature abhors a DIRTY vacuum', when vacuum cleaners were invented.) Not that that is relevant.
Captain Dan's special friend is a vacuum cleaner called 'Henry'. And Dan inserts his... umm shall we say nozzle? into Henry's sucking equipment and Henry, sucking... follows him about the stage.
I've never seen this, of course. I have to take the press release's word for this. All went wrong when Henry suffered a sucking-part fracture as stage time loomed, perhaps by what Frank Zappa, in 'Joe's Garage', referred to as "Plooting too hard", in the section on Joe's perverse activities with household appliances.
Dan, using the leadership powers he oviously has as an officer and a Captain, sought out some rapid glue. Perhaps he was flustered by the nearness of performance time, or perhaps the instructions were too high up on the tube for a diminutive reader, because Dan failed to observe that the glue's active period was twenty minutes, not twenty seconds.
Previously, Henry's intimate grasp had always released at the flick of a switch, their relationship was a stage one only. This time, Henry did not let Dan loose.
After some buttering and tugging, and not a little pulling and jerking, our diminutive star and his electrical friend elected to visit Edinburgh Royal Infirmary. A direct ambulance to the accident and emergency department, (where staff too often are short on laughs). I suspect they won't forget this couple in a hurry.

Dan and Henry were parted after about an hour.
link to story