Monday, 19 September 2011

Ikea, Australia, I Love You.

I wonder how many of us men are Ikea phobic?
Now, I appreciate a lot of what Ikea does, yes, I confess, I could live in a totally Ikea-equipped home, quite happily.  And I'm a design-freak, I like good design, and I know a lot of people hate Ikea's style. But the stores?
They are hell to a shopophobe.
I hate shopping.
I really do. (Unless it's for tools. I can shop for tools for hours).
So, Ikea=Hell to me. It's full of women dragging shell-shocked men around. And screaming kids. Hell. Hell. Hell.
But Ikea in Sydney, Australia, came up with the idea of a man-creche.
Ladies, dump your man at the man-creche, and go off to get the things you desire without him dragging along and muttering darkly  "taupe, hah! aubergine...  avocado, agh,  looks like cat-sick...."

You get a timer that buzzes after half an hour (yes, I thought that too, 'half an hour?' in Ikea? ), and reminds you to pick him up before you leave.
All I've got against this experimental concept is that they seem to think all men are interested in sports, (I'm not), and it doesn't look as if you can get a pint of beer. Pint of beer, sofa, lego, I'd be happy.
Now, I know, ladies, that you'll think it's a cop-out, and that he should do his share of selecting furniture. But think about it. You ask his opinion, and he hasn't a clue, you're trying to colour-plan, and he likes the dull-green one... You've chosen the absolutely right one for the corner by the window, but he wants the one that will clash with your grandmother's quilt......
Just make life easier for yourself, spend as long as you want over the floormats or bath-towels, with no whining or grumbling to distract you.
Oh. And don't be tempted to go home without him, Ikea will send him to the pound, his ear-tag will be scanned, and you'll get a fine.


  1. A woman I am crazy about asked me this weekend if I like to go shopping. I told her that of course I did, if it invfolved being n the pleasure of her company, and especially if it involved picking out lingerie. That seemed to make her happy.
    Hey souby! I'll probably wind up in an IKEA.

  2. HAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAA - The video is worth the watch. I love the guy who claims shopping at Ikea on a pain scale of 1 to 10 said 14! We've had this conversation a lot about Ikea as we have ventured 'the relationship' into the store TWICE! Thoughts like escape chutes and desensory pods come to mind. I confess our first trip ended with me sobbing over a plate of swedish meatballs. HE claims I stormed out and left him ALONE IN IKEA. Which is so completely false, anyone knows that if you want to lose a person FOREVER, just take them to and leave them at Ikea. You will never find each other again in that store!!

    ps. Our relationship survived the two Ikea trips and he ended up with two very nice leather chairs - quite comfy - languishing at his flat!

  3. Ikea is ok if you go when it isn't busy!!

    Then it is a good place for inspiration and free coffee!

  4. Steve:
    No lingerie in Ikeas, but....

    RDG: You did storm out. And came back.... just before the elderly couple could call the police and have me arrested for cruelty.

    No wonder I get panic attacks if I even see the catalogue.

    gz: You're deluded. Loopy. Ikea's always busy, never tranquil. And they've never offered me free coffee.
    I'd rather polish my eyeballs with a belt-sander than try find inspiration in Ikea.

  5. Oh fess up, you WERE being cruel and you regularly polish your eyeballs with a belt sander ... Geesh!


  6. Souby, I didn't end up in an IKEA. We went to Macys. first stop lingerie. then I let her buy me some shoes, and some slacks and a shirt. Basically, I let her dress me.
    What a man won't do.

  7. You know, Steve, it used to be said, in my youth, that a woman should never accept as a gift from a man, any item of clothing she wouldn't feel comfortable to let him take off her....
    i.e., if you didn't know her too well, maybe a coat would be okay, or gloves.... or shoes...
    but underwear? hmmmm, that was for very close friends.

    Keep up those reports from the front-line!


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