Grit in the Gears

I am the grit in the gears, the missing bolt, I am the poker of sticks into spokes. I like to know how things work, but sometimes when I take them apart and rebuild them, I have a few pieces left over. I am a man, so I tend to leave reading the instructions until after it goes wrong. And like all men I have a comprehensive mental map of the world and never need to ask directions. I never get lost, only sometimes I'm late, or end up in the wrong place entirely. It's what we do.

Sunday, 17 May 2009

Muleskinner Blues

Safety Advice

I bought some batteries today at Sainsburys. They came with an RFID (radio frequency identity) sticker on the back, I assume the store believes that shoplifters will be trying to steal batteries, and this sticker will set off the store's door alarm... However, the sticker says:
"SECURITY PROTECTED Please remove before putting in microwave" Now I'd never thought of putting batteries in my microwave before. Maybe it recharges them or gives them superpower? I read all the small-print. Oh... Actually I didn't, because that sticker was put over the safety information, and peeling the sticker off peels the small-print off too. And I'm not too good at reading Greek or Portuguese or Dutch, so, I'll assume you're supposed to stick them in the microwave in the packaging.. I'll put the four I'd taken out back in, and give them about four minutes.

Of course, if there's an almighty bang, and my kitchen is wrecked, and I am injured, there's a pretty good chance I can sue Sainsburys for millions, because a) that sticker implies I'm supposed to put them in the microwave. b) the sticker implies that just removing the sticker is all that's needed as preparation for putting a pack of eight batteries in the microwave, and c), the sticker obliterates and destroys whatever english language safety and usage warnings may or may not be present beneath it.

As a further point, the business of retailers glueing stickers over safety information and usage instructions is common, pharmacists do it as well, and of course, they use unpeelable adhesives too.

Wish me luck.