Yarrr!
Yep Aardman animation's new movie...... Soon!
Sunday, 17 July 2011
The Knock-Off Navy
Australian Navy personnel, serving in the middle east, have been issued with uniforms bearing a misspelled badge. Yes, out there, they're the Royal Australlian Navy. According to Arbroath, the uniforms were supplied to a Tasmanian firm, 'Badger Makes Badges', of Hobart, which outsourced the badges, it seems, to Hong-Kong.
(for the geographically challenged, Tasmania is an island on the south-east of Australia, and is Australian, whereas Hong-Kong is part of China.)
Anyway, this apparition of a knock-off navy, looking almost, but not quite the real thing, led me to consider a future possibility, registered here in this blog, and if it becomes reality, Soubriquet expects a fee of 10% of the profits over the next hundred years.
Yes, here it is, The Knock-Off Navy. I suggest that China, which is currently building the world's biggest navy, builds part of it as a hire fleet. Y'know, personnel badges all stuck on with velcro, ship's identity numbers all made of fridge-magnet material. That way, navally challenged countries, like britain, which only has about three ships left, could, at the drop of a hat, or, at least, a Visa card over the Knock-Off Navy's hire desk, rapidly have a fleet on the way to any bit of sea it chose. Like around the Falklands, perhaps. Last time we had to send a fleet there, we had to commandeer cruise ships and cargo vessels. We'd have to hire them from China too.
It thus becomes possible for, for instance, the Swiss Navy to fight a major engagement against, say, that of Hungary. Both landlocked nations would not need to actually own a single ship, nor have a home port. And the Knock-Off Navy would supply both fleets.
Just don't forget to sign the damage waiver form.
Actually, in engagements solely between Knock-Off Navy ships, it wouldn't be necessary to destroy or sink opposing vessels.
Nerf missiles and torpedoes would suffice. After two direct hits, the ship would release a cloud of coloured smoke, rip off all its badges, and return to China.
(It would also help avoid confusion in signal interception, as all ships would be speaking chinese.)
Couldn't ever happen you say?
What about Halliburton? Blackwater? How much of current warfare is outsourced to people who are not actually government armed forces?
(for the geographically challenged, Tasmania is an island on the south-east of Australia, and is Australian, whereas Hong-Kong is part of China.)
Anyway, this apparition of a knock-off navy, looking almost, but not quite the real thing, led me to consider a future possibility, registered here in this blog, and if it becomes reality, Soubriquet expects a fee of 10% of the profits over the next hundred years.
Yes, here it is, The Knock-Off Navy. I suggest that China, which is currently building the world's biggest navy, builds part of it as a hire fleet. Y'know, personnel badges all stuck on with velcro, ship's identity numbers all made of fridge-magnet material. That way, navally challenged countries, like britain, which only has about three ships left, could, at the drop of a hat, or, at least, a Visa card over the Knock-Off Navy's hire desk, rapidly have a fleet on the way to any bit of sea it chose. Like around the Falklands, perhaps. Last time we had to send a fleet there, we had to commandeer cruise ships and cargo vessels. We'd have to hire them from China too.
It thus becomes possible for, for instance, the Swiss Navy to fight a major engagement against, say, that of Hungary. Both landlocked nations would not need to actually own a single ship, nor have a home port. And the Knock-Off Navy would supply both fleets.
Just don't forget to sign the damage waiver form.
Actually, in engagements solely between Knock-Off Navy ships, it wouldn't be necessary to destroy or sink opposing vessels.
Nerf missiles and torpedoes would suffice. After two direct hits, the ship would release a cloud of coloured smoke, rip off all its badges, and return to China.
(It would also help avoid confusion in signal interception, as all ships would be speaking chinese.)
Couldn't ever happen you say?
What about Halliburton? Blackwater? How much of current warfare is outsourced to people who are not actually government armed forces?
Seen at Nag on the Lake , in Chicago, there's a new, huge, statue of Marilyn Monroe, in one of her most remembered scenes, with her skirt flying up as a subway train passes beneath the grating on which she stands. That white dress, not long ago, sold at auction for $5.6 million.
Of course, this pic has spawned innumerable copycats over the years. It was the iconic image of the poster for the film "Seven Year Itch" in 1955. It's said that Marilyn's then husband, Joe Di Maggio was somewhat angry about the scene, and it may have been the last straw, because they divorced shortly after.
The shots were used in the posters for the movie, but the video above was NOT seen. Oh no. The censors deemed it too shocking, so the scene was re-shot, and edited so audiences saw mostly above the waist shots, and nothing above mid-thigh. That was more than racy enough for 1955 though.Marilyn's dress antics were the talk of the town, and are again, in Chicago, where the giant sculpture by Seward Johnson has not been universally appreciated. It seems some of the good folk of Chicago are embarrassed by Ms Monroe's bronze undercladding. It's caused something of a furore there. Not with everybody of course. Teenage boys are universally in favour of it, -and not just the boys.
Mind you, her nether regions are clad in Bridget Jones' granny panties. For which the residents of Chicago must be universally grateful, as opposed to the dental-floss netherwear of a modern equivalent.
Girls? Whatever are you all thinking?
Boys. Oh come on, that's so undignified!
Every woman needs a little man, -this guy's about nine inches tall, he does pedicures, touches up the toe-nails, and sleeps in your make-up bag, ready for emergency repairs and fine detail work.
And here's the guy who knows the truth. Yes, it seems as though not all of the wind's from the subway. He's wearing a mask... Marilyn? Go easy on the cabbage please?
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