Ebeneezer Soubriquet,

Here we see Ebeneezer, 

The founder of Soub-Labs, (or, as it was originally known: "The Ebeneezer Soubriquet Laboratory Foundation for the Invention of Unnecessary Equipment and Commodities, and the Investigation of All Matters Curious and Inconsequential") trying out his tremendously aforethoughtful device, entitled "A Most Serendipitous Means for the Avoidance of Rush Hour Traffic, by Means of Travel Above the Crowded Streets".

As you see, this incredible invention was invented a little too much before rush hour had itself been invented, to achieve its full glory.

Had the device been patented a mere fifty years later, the story might be different.

It was, in a modest way, successful. What you can't see here is the elegant method of propulsion. Behind Ebeneezer sits the projection drum, which casts corn onto a central track in front of the carriage. Ebeneezer holds the reins to a trained team of twelve extraordinarily strong sewer rats, (sewer rats scored highest in traction strength, but early experiments could only take place at night, due to the underworld-dwelling rats' aversion to bright sunlight, this problem being solved by issuing the rats with tiny designer ray-bans)...

All went well until Ebeneezer's arch-rival, that b@stard, Edison, slipped ergotamine into the grain sacks. ~If the contraption had sported the wings Ebeneezer had earlier sketched, he might have survived when the rats went berserk.

Santa... The TRUTH!

Picks up Five Times More Women Than a Lamborghini

However....
If you have any imagination whatsoever, think how they'll love it when you say you have to leave their luggage behind.

Even I, Humbug Extraordinaire, Thought This a little Harsh.

Splice Holiday Video 2011 from Splice Here on Vimeo.

Antarctica: Not Practising Gender Equality!

Yesterday, I was listening to the radio, and it was "Womans Hour" on the BBC.
The interviewees for part of the programme were women who had worked on the recent BBC series "Frozen Planet".  Sarah Wheeler, ex writer-in-residence in Antarctica, described how, before travelling to the Mc Murdo, she'd been given a U.S. Navy Antarctic Survival Manual. One of the useful tips in there is that if you touch very cold metal with bare skin, such as an ungloved hand, then you'll stick to it, firmly. The best way to release yourself with minimal injury is to urinate over the join between self and metal.  "before going south, I did a 'dry run' so to speak, in the privacy of my own bathroom, and... y'know, it's a man's world!".

After clearing up the mess of the tea I'd snorted, I gave that a tiny bit of serious thought. And, you know, I'd suggest that if a man gets stuck to something, then he's likely to find it nearly as difficult as it might be to a woman to aim pee at the intersection. Say, for instance if it's his hand stuck to a door-handle.
Where we do score more highly, is that we're more likely to be able to direct an aimed stream of pee at a colleague's sticky problem.

(And before we all go "eeeuooo!" in disgust, for heaven's sake, grow up. Unless you've got a kidney or urinary tract infection, pee is pretty much sterile.  Safer than saliva... that kissing?  it's more dangerous!
The advice came from the U.S. Navy, which, like most military forces, advises its personnel that in the absence of sterile boiled water, peeing into a wound is a safe way to flush it clean of dirt and bacteria.)

 What other piece of music could I append than something from Brian Eno's "Here Come the Warm Jets"

Yorkshire's Clouds of the Day, Thursday 22nd December

  A better pic than I could get, of clouds over the windfarm at Oxenhope Moor

This one's not mine, it's off the BBC Leeds Weather Site,
where other pics of these unusual lenticular clouds can be seen.

This one's taken from my place of work.

As is this.

 Pretty, Huh?

A Self-Sweeping, Chimney-Friendly Santa

I think this style of Santa will revolutionise Christmas, the time spent dealing with firmly-wedged corpulent old men will be available for other purposes. You'll note the sinuous curves for easy negotiation of chimney bends, the self-sweeper-muff at the broadest point, and the two fur-trimmed orbs, which locate the Santa and provide balance.
The only thing that troubles me is the casual way she's holding the poor old fella's face, I wonder, did she really need to mutilate him in order to take over? Does it help with the reindeer?

I will have a trip-wire and net set up by the fireplace, so I can ask her what she did with the old man. If her answers absolve her, then I'll gladly offer her an assisted shower to get all the soot off.

Calling Don Quixote, and Other Would-Be Tilters-at-Windmills

I saw this on "Nothing to do With Arbroath", a blog that constantly picks up things that make me laugh.

No, it's not a Windmill, but it  made me think of how the brave Don, and Rocinante would have risen to the challenge. As some of my readers know, part of my life encompasses building sites, I go on courses every so often, to learn the latest wisdoms of health and safety. And you know, the people who build our world, on the bottom line, are often not the sharpest shovels in the bucket.

Here we see a great example. Usually operated by 'The Upside-Down Helicopter Pilot"
(we used to call him the "Irish Helicopter Pilot", but he threw his sandwiches at us, so we knew he was really angry, as it took him ages to get the most of the sand out of them afterwards).

One question that comes to mind is... What's happened to the safety device? Usually a tool like this only engages when you're gripping the lever. If you let go, the clutch disengages.

If the cable from the lever breaks, the clutch disengages. Somebody's been messing with this machine to override its safety devices. Stupid.