Friday, 23 December 2011

A Self-Sweeping, Chimney-Friendly Santa

I think this style of Santa will revolutionise Christmas, the time spent dealing with firmly-wedged corpulent old men will be available for other purposes. You'll note the sinuous curves for easy negotiation of chimney bends, the self-sweeper-muff at the broadest point, and the two fur-trimmed orbs, which locate the Santa and provide balance.
The only thing that troubles me is the casual way she's holding the poor old fella's face, I wonder, did she really need to mutilate him in order to take over? Does it help with the reindeer?

I will have a trip-wire and net set up by the fireplace, so I can ask her what she did with the old man. If her answers absolve her, then I'll gladly offer her an assisted shower to get all the soot off.
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  2. I am waiting by the fireplace right now!

  3. "Is that a sock in your pants, or are ya'll just happy to see me?" drawls Ms. Santa.

    Might I recommend a cold shower for the both of you!


    ps. My word verification is efelfous: it's what we elves do when we've eaten too many beans!

  4. hey... Adullamite! How did you get in here? What are you doing to my fireplace! Dammit, leave the gas-fire alone, we'll have an explosion if you keep heaving on that pipe.... What's that? You want my Santa?
    Oh no no no... you're going to get the fat sweaty old man, like everybody else gets.
    My Red & Dirty Santa's reserved!

  5. "I have no sock in my pants, Santa", he said. "But perhaps your stockings are filled with goodwill for me?"

    Elf Elfous?

    Pooo! Somebody open a window, quick!


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