14th/21st Sausage Delivery Corps, 1917

Back in the old days, before the miniaturisation of military ration sausages had been perfected, the Sausage Delivery Corps could be relied on to deliver sausages anywhere, no matter the terrain, no matter the battle raging. Here we see a medium pork with herbs being carried toward the front line. The Germans, known for their sausage technology, had nothing to match this mighty comestible.

Ya done put mice in the radiator Razors in the clay Well, they keeps us working all night Don't give us no pay Don't give us no pay

Blow, Winds!

Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! rage! blow!
You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout
Till you have drench’d our steeples, drown’d the cocks!

(King Lear, Act III, Sc II)

via

 

 Back to work, as nature hurls chaos at us. Trees falling, roads closed, power lines down, heroic rescues at sea. Malin Head weather station recorded hurricane force winds, trucks were blown over, and I'm knackered.

I was, of course, out nailing things down, roping and sheeting, dodging debris. Tuesday was the first day back, and my sleep patterns have not readjusted. In a free-will situation, I skew toward nocturnal habits. So, monday night saw me valiantly trying to sleep, in preparation for tuesday.
Tuesday itself was intense, lots of stuff to fix post-holiday, but also a howling gale full of little
sharp icy bits, which threaten to scour flesh from bone.
On getting home, I managed to fall asleep almost instantly to be woken with a call from our security guy, that a tree had dropped a big limb across the gates at one site... could I just...



So, back to work, to find my boss had lent the chainsaw to his pal, who is currently away somewhere. Oh lovely. Manual sawing then. Bow-saw, rope, land-rover... drag it clear, go back for more.

After an  hour or so I'm really quite warmed up. When my boss finally picks up his phone...."Were you trying to call me?" HAH!
He's going to get the next call out. My phone will be off.

A Lovestruck Romeo...

A love-struck Romeo sings the streets a serenade
Laying everybody low with a love song that he made.
Finds a streetlight, steps out of the shade
Says something like, "You and me babe, how about it?"

Juliet says, "Hey, it's Romeo, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"
He's underneath the window, she's singing, "Hey la, my boyfriend's back.
You shouldn't come around here singing up to people like that...
Anyway, what you gonna do about it?"


Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start
And I bet when you exploded into my heart
And I forget I forget the movie song.
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

Come up on different streets, they're both the streets of shame.
Both dirty, both mean, yes, in the dream it was just the same
And I dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real.
How can you look at me as if I was just another one of your deals?

When you can fall for chains of silver,
You can fall for chains of gold,
You can fall for pretty strangers
And the promises they hold.
You promised me everything, you promised me thick and thin, yeah!
Now you just say, "Oh Romeo? Yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him".

Juliet, when we made love, you used to cry.
You said, "I love you like the stars above, I'll love you 'til I die".
There's a place for us, you know the movie song.
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

I can't do the talk, like the talk on TV
And I can't do a love song, like the way it's meant to be.
I can't do everything, but I'll do anything for you.
I can't do anything, 'cept be in love with you!
And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be.
All I do is keep the beat... and bad company.
Now all I do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme,
Juliet, I'd do the stars with you any time!

Juliet, when we made love you used to cry.
You said, "I love you like the stars above, I'll love you 'til I die".
There's a place for us, you know the movie song.
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

And a love-struck Romeo sings the streets a serenade
Laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
Finds a convenient streetlight, steps out of the shade
He says something like, "You and me babe, how about it?"

You and me babe, how about it?

"Bring me Southern Kisses From Your Room"

Romeo's Tune  XXXXX!



 Meet me in the middle of the day
Let me hear you say everything's okay
Bring me southern kisses from your room
Meet me in the middle of the night
Let me hear you say everything's alright
Let me smell the moon in your perfume

Oh, Gods and years will rise and fall
And there's always something more
It's lost in talk, I waste my time
And it's all been said before
While further down behind the
masquerade the tears are there
I don't ask for all that much I just want someone to care
That's right now

Meet me in the middle of the day
Let me hear you say everything's okay
Come on out beneath the shining sun

Meet me in the middle of the night
Let me hear you say everything's alright
Sneak on out beneath the stars and run

Oh yeah, oh yeah yeah, oh yeah

It's king and queen and we must go down
now beyond the chandelier
Where I won't have to speak my mind
and you won't have to hear
Shreds of news and afterthoughts and complicated scenes
We'll huddle down behind the light and fade like magazines

Meet me in the middle of the day
Let me hear you say everything's okay
Bring me southern kisses from your room

Hey hey, meet me in the middle of the night
Let me hear you say everything's alright
Let me smell the moon in your perfume

Oh now, meet me in the middle of the day
Let me hear you say everything's okay
Let me see you smiling back at me

Hey, meet me in the middle of the night
Let me hear you say everything's alright
Hold me tight and love and loving's free

Big City Cat



Buildings and people down under the skies,
I walk down the street looking out through my eyes,
I'm getting so skinny it hurts to sit down,
I'm deep in the well, I'm in the rat trap town.

Where it's dirty for dirty, it's an eye for an eye,
it's a tooth for a tooth and a sigh for a sigh
and everything edgy like musical chairs
an' everyone lookin', but who really cares?

Well, I'm trying to get up, trying to laugh in my head,
I'm walkin' on eggs and I'm climbin' on thread.
There's motors an' traffic an' racket an' horns;
my weary ol' stairway is wobbly an' worn.

There a hissing of heaters and banging old pipes,
screaming of women and laughing all night,
there's babies a-cryin' an' somebody's dog,
he's barking so loudly, there's a man in the hall...

Hell, it's some kinda lunatic following me.
He's down by the john so I can't take a pee.
I'm supposed to be happy, I'm here where it's at,
I'm a face in the crowd, I'm a big city cat.

On Slights and Grudges, With a Complimentary Side-Dish of Bosoms

Bear with me.
Look at the bosoms whilst I attempt to sort my discrepant thoughts.

I found this picture a while ago, whilst trying, I think, to identify a painter of something else entirely. I kinda snagged it into a "stuff to think about later" folder. I'm very bad, however at archiving sources, so I've no idea where I found it. 

Here we have a group of prosperous aristocratic ladies behaving in a scandalously unladylike manner, going at each other with sharp pointy swords in a forest clearing. And topless to boot.  The Pall Mall Gazette, of August 23rd 1892 carried the story:

The duel was widely reported, mainly because the story got out that the ladies were bare-breasted. Having had a quarrel, these high-born ladies, whose families comprised a large part of the ruling elite of both Germany and the Austro-Hungarian empire, decided to settle the matter beyond doubt.
The bared bosoms were due to the requirements laid down by Baroness Lubinska, who had treated many battlefield wounds, and had observed that fragments of clothing carried into a wound, by either musket ball or sword, were often the seat of mortal infection, whereas a clean sword cut was usually survivable
Women's duels were not as rare as you might think. One fought in Hyde Park, London, became known as "The Petticoat Duel", first they shot at each other with pistols, then fell-to with swords because of a heinous insult. -One had dared to question the veracity of the stated age of the other.
Another duel, fought between a frenchwoman and an american was over the respective merits of european vs american doctors. (France won, and the American was treated by a european doctor, subsequently writing a letter of apology).
Women fought over suitors, insults, over wearing similar dresses, almost anything. A duel was fought in Georgia by two women both enamoured of the same young man. He saw one of his sweethearts die, run through the heart, and in accordance with the young women's wishes, married the victor that very same  day.

 Mademoiselle Maupin, Operatic Diva,  Mistress of Emperor Maximilian of Belgium,
Duellist, Serial Seducer of both Ladies and Gentlemen.

"The ball was given either by King Louis XIV, or his brother the duc d'Orléans. La Maupin attended in a cavalier's dress and played that role to the hilt, but without concealing her own identity or sex, it would seem. She centered her attentions on one beautiful young lady, whose time she monopolized. They had several dances together, and when the guests' conversation buzzed with speculation about them, La Maupin suggested a more private tryst and sealed the proposal with a passionate kiss out in the middle of the dance floor.
This was too much for three young gallants, themselves suitors of the young lady. They surrounded the couple on the dance floor, protesting La Maupin's disgraceful behavior.
"At your service, gentlemen." she answered them in the standard formula of the duel, and all four withdrew to the dark gardens without to settle the affair. La Maupin defeated all three at once, though whether she killed or merely disarmed and injured them, I cannot say.
In any event, she returned alone victorious to the ball, only to be confronted by the King. "You are the jade La Maupin?" ask Louis "I have heard of your handiwork! Need I remind you of my decree against duels in Paris?" She denied nothing, for how could she? She was well known and had clearly been the center of everyone's attention. It would seem however that she did present herself to Monsieur who interceded for her.
The next day she awaited word of her fate, but instead of being arrested, she received word that the King, who it seems was again amused by her panache, was speculating that his law governed only men, and that she was free to duel at will. His hesitation gave her time to flee to Brussels until the crisis had passed."

Why am I musing on this stuff?  Well, recent events, really.

Not duelling events, but women and spurious grudges.  We men are too thick-skinned to have any idea of why a woman might seethe with resentment. Truly, we have no idea. And a short while ago, a female blogger, who I will not name nor provide any specific clues toward, seems to have become angry with me and feels that I had insulted her or harmed her in some way. I had then, and still have now, no idea what I was supposed to have done.

Another female blogger went to have a look to see if she could figure out what I was supposed to have done. First blogger seemed to think that this constituted stalking. It wasn't, and all I can infer from all this is that first blogger is somewhat needlessly paranoid.

The lady who visited her blog was all ready to draw her rapier in order to avenge the slight to my good name. I have persuaded her that it is not necessary. 

If a duel was to occur......

Boobies!

Sorry. I'm not a real grown-up yet.

Ebeneezer Soubriquet,

Here we see Ebeneezer, 

The founder of Soub-Labs, (or, as it was originally known: "The Ebeneezer Soubriquet Laboratory Foundation for the Invention of Unnecessary Equipment and Commodities, and the Investigation of All Matters Curious and Inconsequential") trying out his tremendously aforethoughtful device, entitled "A Most Serendipitous Means for the Avoidance of Rush Hour Traffic, by Means of Travel Above the Crowded Streets".

As you see, this incredible invention was invented a little too much before rush hour had itself been invented, to achieve its full glory.

Had the device been patented a mere fifty years later, the story might be different.

It was, in a modest way, successful. What you can't see here is the elegant method of propulsion. Behind Ebeneezer sits the projection drum, which casts corn onto a central track in front of the carriage. Ebeneezer holds the reins to a trained team of twelve extraordinarily strong sewer rats, (sewer rats scored highest in traction strength, but early experiments could only take place at night, due to the underworld-dwelling rats' aversion to bright sunlight, this problem being solved by issuing the rats with tiny designer ray-bans)...

All went well until Ebeneezer's arch-rival, that b@stard, Edison, slipped ergotamine into the grain sacks. ~If the contraption had sported the wings Ebeneezer had earlier sketched, he might have survived when the rats went berserk.

Santa... The TRUTH!