Friday, 15 October 2010

Bang OUCH!

This blogger does not do twitter, but if he did, he would  have tweeted an expletive at approx 15:45 gmt.

I was repairing some outside stairs, ones with timber treads. The wood, despite various anti moss and algae treatments, had become somewhat slippery in wet weather, so after much head-scratching, we decided to put a grip surface of expanded galvanised steel mesh on each tread.

Good idea, it works well. I put my carpentering hat on, repaired and replaced several treads, including a brilliantly scarfed joint that a real carpenter would not be able to fault (I'd be standing there with a hammer and a wrecking bar, so he'd be well advised to keep a straight face and say "Look at that perfect scarf-joint!")...

And then that steel mesh. It's razor-edged when you cut it, but I was careful, and lost almost no blood.
Fixed down with about 250 clout-head galvanised nails.
I got to about 237 without mishap, then THWAP! steel hammer, finger. I'd been doing that tough, manly, two strike routine, none of that girly tap-tap-tapping..  a tap to set the tip into the wood, a thwack! to drive it all the way home.
My phone rang, my mind had been doing zen stuff, floating, leaving the body to get on with the job, but the phone intruded, and conscious brain zipped back into place and OW! OOOOOO! I howled.

I'm tough. Really tough, honest.
Well. Maybe not. Right now, several hours later it's doing that red-flashing throbbing stuff. Like in the cartoons.
My plan now involves a couple of hours of pathetic moaning. Why am I telling you all this?
Because in lieu of having somebody kiss it better, or stick a hello-kitty band-aid on it, I need to garner a large dose of sympathy from the internet.
Sigh. Maybe I should just take an aspirin.
If it needs to be amputated, I'll let you know.  The more cynical of you may realise that as the finger's not even swollen, and the nail's only got a little bit of darkness behind it, that I'll live, and won't need crisply starched nurses to murmur comforting words.... Sigh.


(And that, folks, is why twitter will never get my business. How could I moan about hammering my pinky in 140 characters inclusive of spaces? I'm verbose. Twitter? get stuffed.)


  1. Terribly sorry to hear this.
    Terribly sorry to say I laughed out loud as it happened!
    The laughter of knowing what it is like that is!

  2. I was going to reduce your post to 140 characters to show you how it's done, but I know it hurts and I won't make fun of you. Today.

  3. Adullamite, The misfortunes of others reflect our lives.

    Max. I know how to reduce to 140 characters or fewer, "Finger, Hammer, Ouch!". But where's the fun in that?

    Twitter is an evil perversion.

    As if Julius caesar had stopped at "Veni Vidi Vici".
    How about Hamlet? Hamlet in Twitter: "Don't bother, most of them die".

  4. It can be done easily, with characters to spare. To wit:

    Berserk senate stabs consul in Ides forum fiasco! Julius croaked! Final words: “Et tu, Brute? Dammit, man!” Antony to speak at 11.

  5. "Julius out, Brutus implicated. Sports news next."

  6. OMG! I know I'm a complete stranger and I really AM trying to not laugh... well, ok, laugh TOO hard, but you remind me of my sister... You probably have a disgusted look on your face right about now being compared to a girl (ok she's 46 but she still hits like a girl)... I'm imagining your expression thus but I probably should also mention that she is a finish carpenter. (I keep telling her we don't have ANY Scandinavian blood in our family tree... which is why I know she still hits like a girl) Thanks for making my day!

  7. Lemon Stand. I'm very sorry for your sister, if she looks like me, and has to shave every day.

    But hey, being a Finnish carpenter, she's probably blonde and able to go several days without too much of a beard showing. and of course, being Finnish she won't need to delete her expletives, because none but her fellow finns will understand... "Voi perkele! Jumalauta!"...
    As none of your family have scandinavian blood, there must be something your mother isn't telling you.
    If she's a girl, and finnish, then she can't use "hits like a girl" as an insult, like we hammer-wielding boys do. Fortunately, the finns have a suitable, non gender-specific insult: "Hits like a Swede!"

  8. sorry i'm late with the internet sympathy but i've been having my own accidents which i posted about today... although i wished i had used the "phone interrupting my zen" device to explain my lapse in thinking. i'm personally thankful that you are not "twit"-ing because verbosity is in decline.


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