Saturday, 28 July 2012


Why are some things olympic sports and others not? How about cabinetmaking... See, he's got a lovely dovetail joint there, but the North Koreans are already inlaying rosewood, and pearl around the lock, Oh no! Gunther's chisel has slipped, it's a nasty gouge, oh my, that will cost him an extra sheet of sandpaper... what? Oh, I see? this year of course, the sandpaper allowance has been reduced, and I think... Yes, the  judges are holding up a finger, he's used up all his chances, poor chap, but! Look! he's converting that chisel slip into a carved decoration on the lid, the north koreans are glancing over, nervous, and oh my, look, the camerounian, always an outsider, this lad's only fifteen, only took up a tenon-saw for the first time a couple of years ago, and he's already starting his first coat of varnish. Well, from here, we'll report further in a little while, but now our cameras are going over to the hundred-meter lawn-mowing finals...."


  1. I think that that should have the slowest 100 meters event!
    The last one over the finish line wins.
    They would have to set a time limit say 5 days to complete the event.
    The only rule is that you would have to keep moving all the time.
    Perhaps the Duke of Edinburgh could represent team GBR.
    The only down side is that we might all fall asleep with the pointless BBC commentary and useless facts.

  2. Well it has to be a sport, but: I was surprised at beach volleyball and badminton being included . . . really?

    1. So how do you define a sport?
      Synchronised swimming?

    2. A sport is a physical activity with no useful purpose other than to grandiose those participating.

    3. What about this "horse ballet" bullshit? Years spent torturing a horse into unnatural movements so that a rich human can get a medal. Makes me sick.

  3. I hope the Saturday night telly folk don't read this, they will put that on air.


Spam will be reported and swiftly deleted. I will put a curse upon you if you post spam links.