Sunday, 14 October 2007

A Reply to Mildred X,

Mildred X, writing over at Red Dirt Scribbles, (where she borrows blogspace from the Red Dirt Scribbler, a known sympathiser, and, some have suggested, undercover officer of the Sisterhood of the Pointy heels), sent me this message, by mulepost.

"Sigh. Do you truly believe you are aiding us in advancing our cause ?? We DO know how to have fun .... all work and no play make us sistahs very dull indeed .....and we KNOW how to play, don't we Soubriquet ??"

The mule declined a return message so I post it here in the knowledge that Mildred will eventually see it.

Grit in the Gears is not about advancing the Sisterhood's cause. Rather, we serve as a monitoring instrument, keeping abreast, as it were, of the Sisterhood's activities.

However, in a spirit of non proliferation, I shall now disclose some of the activities of The Brotherhood of the Besmirched Countenance, a secret organisation which is trained to resist any attempt by the Sisterhood to abolish male activities, such as D.I.Y. and beer drinking, and any further attempts to demolish The Shed, traditional retreat for men.

I shall furthermore reveal, that I am he who was once was hailed as The Knight of the Besmirched Countenance.

I refer you to the Chronicles of the Bogus Cognomen, yet to be published in blog form.

A rapid response, lightweight airforce unit. note we have wheels, not pointy heels.
A sisterhood traffic officer attempted to book the squadron for speeding on the runway...

A Naval Vessel.

Remember these crack forward Can-Can Troopers?
At the time of my previous post they were unstoppable.
Enjoy it while you can, ladies.

Our latest units are all being reconfigured for Can-Can abilities.

The official caption on this was "First Stealth Buses Under Test" However, it is now revealed that the stealth vehicle story may be being used to cloak our new levitation abilities.

Hogwarts graduates are being recruited as rapid forward broomstick patrols.

Spidermen in training.

And the Aquatic Cavalry.

I think is enough revealed, for now.


Thank you, Mildred X, for that feedback. Gerty the Mule has now retired on a full pension and has been awarded the DSMM (Distinguished Service Medal for Mules).
Gert started life as Gerald the mule, and at an early age, volunteered for Brotherhood training.
He was a master of disguise even before he could walk, and frequently masqueraded as a donkey, becoming fluent in Donkish. Seen here as a foal, you can see his disguise was really quite excellent.

I am also reminded as I write of his infiltration of a training camp dressed as a large dog.
It was a little later, after training in special tactics and the advanced application of stubbornness that he approached high command and asked to be assigned special, and arduous duty.
His first special forces assignment was with the underwater cavalry, but he did have problems with mane care, and applied for Intelligence Corps training.
There had long been a draft plan to infiltrate sisterhood riding schools, and Gerald volunteered.
Although various prosthetic disguises were tried, Gerald was clearly, um, overendowed.
But, ever brave, he underwent surgery, and after recuperation and voice training, re-emerged as 'Gertie', under which pseudonym 'she' joined the Sisterhood's ranks.
Equipped with a phenomenal photographic memory, 'Gertie' provided many of the pics I have previously shown. Still more are kept in our archives, some too saucy to print. Yes Mildred, the Jacuzzi incident?
Now after long and distinguished sevice, 'Gertie' has returned, and for a while acted as a double agent for us, 'leaking' information that we chose to 'leak'.
We are currently defrosting Gerald's artifacts, ready for the restore studliness operation, and (s)he is looking forward to a good deep bray again.

Meanwhile others of our squad take up the baton.... You'll never know, sisters, which mouse to trust, which cat conceals, beneath its purr a satellite uplink....

Oh. And, Ladies..... glad to see you took in the Trojan Shoes, our chocolatier will be delighted.


  1. I wondered what had happened to our postal mule ....

    what a sad, sad day for ole Gerty - she really despises underwater activities ....

    you know the saying: you can lead a mule to water, but you can't make her sink ? or swim as the case may be.

    i have contacted my ace mule communicator, who has given Gerty explicit instructions on how and when to escape. In return, Gerty has provided us with quite useful information regarding the BBC including names, dates, ranks and serial numbers (and a few tips on locations ...)

    even as i type this message via B-Mail, our girls are infiltrating your favorite stomping grounds: posing as barmaids, gym receptionists, flirtatious grandmums at the the market and yes, even that beautiful woman who caught your eye at the art gallery ...

    all ours ....

    sigh. as always, men resort to force. us sistahs? we like to use our intelligence .... and our considerable assets ....your mates are falling like flies Sir BBC ... your time is running out ...

    i predict you, too, shall soon be ensnared by a sister ....

    we are women. it's what we do.

  2. underling to the sistahs16 October 2007 at 02:19

    sigh. letter for Sir Besmirched. see Red Dirt Scribbles for details.

    can't you and Mildred do this the modern way: send a telegram or something ??? My feet are killing me: running the ocean waves in my 4 inch Manolo Blahnik's - and the salt water is destroying their luxurious silk lining -

    not to mention the blisters on my bunions .....!

    get a real life, you two ....

    a fed up redhead

  3. I have enlisted MOTC and hope to have a Submersible at my command in time for the fun!

  4. Forget the submersibles oh pointy-heeled one.
    We are ahead of you, having come to a gentlemen's agreement with the pointy headed folk, on the subject of mutual defence againgst the ranks of the lithe-limbed temptresses. I discussed them about a thousand years ago, so I'll cheekily edit and recycle a few of my words... Great thing about this bloggery, nobody'd know unless I told them, and this way I disarm them with my honesty...
    "The subversive gnomes. I've seen them in the Thames, in their little clockwork subsermibles, they beach sometimes, near Greenwich, to rewind.
    You'll see, at peak commuter times, a long pole, or mast, arise from the water, like a periscpoe, but carrying a (what? pericspoe? well, it's an agranam, don't interrupt me for details like that, just get on with it, if I were flawless, I wouldn't be here reading your blog and relpying , I'd have my people do it for me...) Where was I, oh yes, 'carrying a giant pepper shaker full of girl cold germs, and shaking it in a shaky way over commuters crossing the bridges. The computers then carry it with them into offices and places of commerce, indeed all the way home to their burrows, where they subsequently curse and moan, infecting all about them, and reducing boxes of tissues to piles of wet wodges.
    I'm not naturally dyxlesic, I'm just trying it out for a day or two, for solidarity's sake, Tomorrow I might try creative accounting, in order to understand why the taxman so enjoys projecting vast mythical deficits my way.

    Gnome Sumbarines.
    You know it, Weed my awning.
    Weed my awning indeed.
    Back off before the sneezing starts.

  5. Souby;
    No joke, buddy, I'm on your side, and a muley Officer Training candidate. I will not hesitate to give a sista "the gun" and be assured my Bullets are not Blanks.

  6. Welcome aboard, Ensign Eeyore,
    Careful where you point that thing, the mules are getting excited....

  7. to ensign eyesore:

    TRAITOR !!


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