Tuesday, 17 April 2007

Humps, and Lady Lumps...

To fully appreciate this parody by Alanis Morrisette, you would have to be familiar with the Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps".
Now, to me, listening to the Black Eyed Peas is something I would need to be forced to do, And, sadly, I was, because I was working in a building with other worky sort of blokes, and unfortunately the sparkies had got there first. An unfortunate, unwritten rule of construction site etiquette is that the first team to get there in the morning get their choice of radio..............
These sparkies were single-celled animals. They started well.... by 9 a.m., they'd shorted out a 600 volt supply, because they thought it was switched off... The guy who was supposed to have isolated the live supply had gone to get the bacon sandwiches, and forgotten the switching....
Luckily, Sparky no.1 only flew backwards and suffered bruises and ridicule.
His hacksaw, however, became instantly molten in places, and glowed nicely for a while after the main fuse blew.
Where was I? Oh yes, stuck in a half built office block with a group of cable-muppets. And they were listening to some rhythmic moronic chant, that I am told is The Black Eyed Peas... And that they're supposedly quite popular... At this, I looked up... "Popular? As in people... Um... pay? to see them? to hear this stuff?"
Yes, apparently they do. All over the globe.
If you must, go HERE briefly.... But I warn you, it's not a life enhancing experience... Don't linger, you'll be permanently scarred. Although over a million people have watched the clip...
If you enjoy it, there is no hope for you.

Having watched, listened, to the Peas' example of bad things that afflict the planet, then click on Ms Morrissette's version.. Same words, about a third of the speed.

If you arrived here via a search engine, looking for peas with black eyes, then I apologise. I could not bring myself to put them on this page...
I loathe what they do.


  1. Dominique clonked her noggin on the ceiling when she flew up the rungs of her loft bed too quickly the other day.
    She had a goose-egg the size of...ummm...a goose egg.
    We dubbed it her lucious ladder lump.

    Music choice can be a grand passive-agressive medium in an office setting. When I want to be left alone at work, I put on my
    Daler Mehndi, Tuva, Bjork, Einsturzende Neubauten and Gregorian Chants mix CD. It works wonders!

  2. That's kind of melancholy.

    I should let that sparky enjoy his BBP's while he can. From the sound of it, it won't be too long before evolution picks him off!

  3. That's great- Hooray for Alanis.
    I had heard the Peas version before, and jsut recently heard about this version.
    Thanks for sharing.

  4. Can't stand Black Eyed Peas either. I noticed that one of them was arrested for drunk driving a few weeks ago. This is from the band who sang that sanctimonious 'song', 'Where is the Love?'?

    Bah humbug.

  5. Should that be 'bah humpbug', Hellojed?

    I am sure that the young people are probably enjoying their Peas. I am getting that sort of slightly uncomfortable feeling you get when you realise that this is what your parents thought when 'Never mind the Bollocks' was escaping from your bedroom at 200 decibels.
    I expect Perry Como was a problem for my grandmother. Ah well.

  6. Trollop23, I'm glad I don't work in your office.
    Today I gained a lump.. a hammer lump.duh.
    Julia, Those sparkies were on site today. Exploding Sparky not present. I asked.
    Paternity leave. Oh dear. The genetic code for another iteration of single-celled sparky has been passed on. It follows that any woman who would let him near enough for impregnation to occur, must also display a severely damaged level of judgement.
    The child will probably become a government minister....
    I eat my peas with honey,
    I've done so all my life.
    It makes the peas taste funny,
    But it keeps them on the knife.

    Hellojed, I know nothing much about the peas. I saw the Alanis clip... So i watched the Peas version. GAK!

    Minkz, Never Mind The Bollocks is classical music. Well yes, my parents derided every record i ever bought...
    My mother's sister, concert pianist, lifelong music maker, borrowed my Tangerine Dream album, because she was fascinated by it..
    muttering about all sorts of mystical musicology...
    After that.. She borrowed Pink Floyd, Ummagumma...
    Gave my mother a lecture on music... Mother was a singer, classically trained.
    Thanks, Auntie Phyll!
    My favourite record for alienating adults was the Faust Tapes, seriously strange stuff. I must put it on mp3 for in car listening.
    I don't know about Pery Como, but I understand Bing Crosby was frowned upon for 'crooning', and not enunciating properly. Beginning of the end, that.
    Mother is 83 now, sings in three choirs..
    Odd really.
    Given what they say about babies habituating to music whilst in the womb, I should be an opera buff. I'm not.
    Though I find the sound of a muffled aria, combined with rattling crockery makes me salivate.


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