Sunday, 21 January 2007

Those Subliminal Gnomes

These gnomes were borrowed from Rozanne,
at Ragwater, Bitters and Blue Ruin

Go over there, she's got some interesting stuff, and she made me laugh too.


Thanks are due to mist1, who spotted the significance of the subversive gnomes in the post about Delores. We all see them, sitting idly by ponds, wheeling barrows through the rockery. It occurred to me it was time to find out more. If any of you have more knowledge or documentation of their dastardly deeds, please post it in a comment. The blogosphere should be warned.
mist1 said...

The curio shop with subversive gnomes? That's so funny to me. Those gnomes have always scared me. It's like they know something that I don't. And now I know...they do.

soubriquet said...

Those submersible Gnomes worry us all. Under cover of their garden rockery activities, Soubriquet Investigations has unearthed a plot so spine chilling... Under one suburban rockery, Soubriquet, using his patent 'shrinkometer' obtained access to a tiny intercontinental ballistic missile launch site. In the silos were little 'minute-man 3' missiles fuelled and ready, in the control room, one gnome, pistol outstretched, confronts another, "sir! Turn your key, sir, we have a launch order!" The other gnome, frantic, shouts "It's a drill, it's got to be a drill, oh my god, they'll call stand down, they must!" Sure enough, the tannoy bleats "All Gnome stations, all gnome stations, launch order is rescinded, return to defcon 3"
They stand down, mopping sweaty brows. They notice me, I smile politely- I'm from headquarters, just observing the drill.....
I make a steady retreat for the door, then leg it to the exit, a concealed tunnel behind the hydrangeas. Outside, gnomes are pushing wheelbarrows, fishing, as suburban gnomes do. The duplicitous beasts.


  1. Thanks for the link.

    No problem borrowing the gnomes--the world needs to know what kind of mischief they get up to.

  2. ooh..i see yu've been playing around with font colors..looks neat!

    duplicitous beasts indeed! cant even begin to tell you all the ruckus they've been upto here.

  3. I keep messing with the colours. Need feedback. Maybe its unreadable on some monitors.
    Glad you like it. Rhubarb and custard themed.

  4. Your colors bedazzle the eyes with such splendor........those gnomes, however are just plain scary.

  5. Dear Sir,

    Please be advised we have read your post and find it most distressing. You have made an example of a few bad crabapples and painted us all with the same brush!
    You and your internet cohorts are guilty of Gnomism!
    Consider yourself warned, soubriquet - if that is your real name. Should you continue with your slanderous accusations and innuendo against our people, your garden shall suffer a slug infestation of such magnitude it shall NEVER recover.

    Bjorn Tealeavery
    Gnomes Against Gnomism

  6. Soubriquet pondered long and deep about how to respond to the comment and articles of war posted by Bjorn Tealeavery. On the one hand it is just possible that the activities we have uncovered, the subversion, the subliminal activity, intercontinental ballistic missile silos etcetera, may be deplored by a moderate majority of crumpet-toasting, slipper-wearing gnomes. However. Tealeavery gives himself away, somewhat, by threatening slugwarfare of the vilest kind. Surely a peaceable gnome would seek dialogue first, not threats.
    You'll notice, I never put forward any anti-gnomic plan, I merely urged caution, obsevation and the pooling of information. Such action is hardly Gnomist.
    Now is the time for moderate gnomes everywhere to curb the activities of their extremist brethren, to resist radicalisation. To turn their youth away from sluggery.
    The only threats to Gnomery are coming from within Gnomery itself.

    p.s. of course it is my real name, Mr. Tealeavery, I would never seek to misinform in the temple of truth and learning we call the 'Internet'
    p.p.s. I happen to like crabapples, especially brightly coloured ones.
    p.p.p.s.If i painted all gnomes with the same brush, I'd be the owner of the world's longest lasting brush. Don't be silly, I use a different brush for each colour, you know it makes sense.

  7. Excuse moi, my dear aperitifs. I am, 'ow you say, not versed inthe eglandengish lingouadge, bert I merst object moost stronguley, at zis Tealeaf 'ou as ze balledfaced efronterery to utilise my first name.
    I tell yousa, in ma counterey, zes gnomms 'ave devastatated vast tractes of land, wiz zeir wheelybarrows and rockyeries. Fight them now, mes amis, teach them zeir place, permette not zeir lant grabbink behooviour.
    Monsiuer Soubriquet, you 'ave ze future of ze free vorld in ze palm of your hands.

  8. what are you doing in that pic, i wonder? the flame one. are you a glass worker?

  9. Nice gnomes. Most substantial. Are they submersible?

  10. Julia has a cold. Or a nasty case of Female Variant Man-Flu. A nasty ailment indeed. I feel for her.
    So I carried my comment over there, saving her the effort of, god forbid, mouse clicking back here, poor girl, Oh, poor thing, feverish and snotty, rednosed, swollen glanded..... with an elephant on her chest she says.

    Copy of comment posted to

    Bugger that Blogger 502 error. I keep seeing that. I bet they're proud of it.
    I just had Man Flu, I'm deeply sythmapentic. I think you get it from eating apples, although there is a theory that it's deliberately spread by subversive gnomes. I've seen them in the Thames, in their little clockwork subsermibles, they beach sometimes, near Greenwich, to rewind.
    You'll see, at peak commuter times, a long pole, or mast, arise from the water, like a periscpoe, but carrying a (what? pericspoe? well, it's an agranam, don't interrupt me for details like that, just get on with it, if I were flawless, I wouldn't be here reading your blog and relpying , i'd have people to do it for me...) Where was I, oh yes, 'carrying a giant pepper shaker full of man Flu germs, and shaking it in a shaky way over commuters crossing the bridges. The computers then carry it with them into offices and places of commerce, indeed all the way home to their burrows, where they subsequently curse and moan, infecting all about them, and reducing boxes of tissues to piles of wet wodges.
    I'm not naturally dyxlesic, I'm just trying it out for a day or two, for solidarity's sake, Tomorrow I might try creative accounting, in order to understand why the taxman so enjoys projecting vast mythical deficits my way.
    Gnome Sumbarines. You know it, Weed my awning.


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