Tuesday, 26 December 2006

An Inconspicuous Beginning.

Damn... What have I done? And why?

First of all who am I?
For most purposes, these days, I am Ersatz Soubriquet.

I have another name, several, in fact, but Ersatz has been taking over in leaps and bounds. He first came into existence... A long time ago, I won't disclose how long just now, but it was before the internet, when he worked with a quill pen.
Stop that!
Ersatz, you never had a quill pen.
I did!
Liar! You remember, you had a pen, like a wood stick, with replaceable nibs, that you used for carving the desk until Mr Dennis smacked you with a ruler. And then you had to ask Mr Dennis for a new nib and he was very cross.
And you had to dip the pen in an inkwell on the desk, full of Parker's patent Quink, blue-black, washable, for schools, refiller from the big bottle in the cupboard. And then you left a big blob of ink on your book, and then you blotted it with blotting paper, which was pink until it got blotty all over, and you always had blue fingers and..
What the hell is all this? What are you doing? ink and nibs indeed, you're supposed to be introducing yourself to the as yet, mythical reader.
But there isn't a reader, The reader is a myth, it's just me!
Look, this is the innertent, or as the rest of the world outside our fuddled head knows it, The Internet ! (ooh good! if you hit the keys harder the letters are bigger and blacker)(or whiter, in this case) and the innertent is full of shoals of aimless people who might happen along here and read this.
But why would they?
Stop asking questions, just trust me, they might, and if they did, they wouldn't want to read about your early school years.
They might.
Trust me, I'm your more sensible self, they don't.
So. You're me?
I am, only more sensible.
Oh. Do you remember Mr Dennis then?
Yes. He was very big, we were about eight years old, and he smelled of pee. And he had an old greeny coloured jacket and he could throw a piece of chalk so it hit you right between the eyes.
I remember that. He was very big on not day-dreaming, or looking out of the window, or bending nibs.
Bit of a tough task, then. me, us, never been good at focusing on the task in hand, the present, and so on.
Right. Lets try focus, get together in the same brain and get on with it, shall we?

I've just signed up for this bloggery and I've no idea how it works or who the hell wants to know what I think about anything.
Will I persist? who knows. time will tell. I'd better learn how to do it now, so don't hold your breath, unknown first reader
, because it might take months to figure out... Like what happened there? fonts changing size? and there's no teacher in the room. Maybe if I pull out the computer's plug it will fix itself... shall I buy a new keyboard?

That's it, I'm intimidated now by the empty space, I'll just go read someone else's blog and pretend I'm clever enough to do it.

Now what? Preview button..... post... Labels?

Anyway, mythical first reader, If you do happen by, please leave a comment. Try not to wound me too much.


  1. Why thank you ersatz.......you had me from the first striped awning.....the coins were more than payment enough.......i've stopped by to return your change. So pleased you partook of a crispy poem or two or three, took time to shoe shop, I'm intrigued.

    Please know that you're welcome back anytime on your journey through inner or inter or wherever. I have great expectations from one such as you....I will be sure to link up as soon as all this holiday hoopla is over.....

    red dirt girl

  2. oh..awesome..for a first post!! cant wait to read more :)

    and if you end up elsewhere maybe thats where ersatz planned to go all along.
    good luck and look forward to reading more. actually im so happy to see a newborn blog since i can now follow its growth from infancy.

  3. oops..forgot to add that i came over from red dirt girl's

  4. hello, i am a reader! with a comment! yay!

  5. Bravissimo, Signore Soubriquet.
    'Bout time your understated genius had a tastefully appointed room of its own. With cleverly embedded music, too ~ thanks for the ping.

    The haunting Finnish polka slays. All dau ;pmg I could only hipput tupput täppyt äppyt tipput the hours away, and consider renaming my dancing snowshoe cat.

    안녕. 요보세여?
    ~ 조이스

  6. Cursed typos! >>blush<<
    Meant to write, "All day long..."

  7. all dau ;pmg?

    She speaks in tongues. Last message from those keyboard-dancing fingertips was "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn." I think it means "Help! I've got my tongue stuck in the typewriter".

    Welcome, my treasured tanglefingered friend.
    Drat! HTML can not be accepted, tag is not closed... I refuse to read the instructions... try this..
    Woo! another hurdle leapt!

  8. Seemingly the first one is always the tough one, and now you're a "professional" at blogging. Thanks for contributing to our blog discussions. It's good to have the perspective of someone who has traveled internationally.

    1. As google would say "Did you mean intentionally?"

      How so very strange it is to get a time-traveller slipping all the way back to day one of the blog. Look at that, a spin of the dials and Inspector Clouseau pops up in 2006.

      But. Seriously, I remain an amateur at all of this, and, six years in, I still don't have a clearly defined mission statement. My ability with HTML is barely any better, and I trust to blogger to somehow smooth over my mistakes.
      As for content, well, I seem to do most of my thinking in comments on other blogs!

      Red Dirt Girl, now, she was my first commenter. I started the blog because I wanted to leave a comment on her blog, on a post about poetry, and it wouldn't accept anonymous comments, the way I read it, you needed a blogger or wordpress name and url, so, after a bit of headscratching, I signed up for a blog and wrote a blogpost. And six years later, Red Dirt Girl's still commenting, and I'm moving from Britain to Texas to marry her.
      How cool is that, bloggers?

    2. Way cool .... and awesome as well !!! You make me very very happy. Looking forward to spending the rest of my life blogging with you ... in the same house :-)



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