Tom Waits from 'Small Change', 1976.

Tom Traubert's Blues, (Four Sheets to the Wind in Copenhagen)


Wasted and wounded
It ain't what the moon did
Got what I paid for now
See you tomorrow
Hey Frank can I borrow
A couple of bucks from you
To go waltzing Matilda waltzing Matilda
You'll go a-waltzing Matilda with me

I'm an innocent victim
of a blinded alley
An' I'm tired of all these soldiers here
No-one speaks English
And everything's broken
And my staceys are soaking wet,
To go waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go a waltzing Matilda with me

Now the dogs are barking
and the taxi cab's parking
A lot they can do for me
I begged you to stab me
You tore my shirt open
And I'm down on my knees tonight

Old Bushmills I staggered
You bury the dagger
Your silhouette window light
To go waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go a waltzing Matilda with me

Now I've lost my St. Christopher
Now that I've kissed her
And the one-arm bandit knows
And the maverick Chinaman
in the cold-blooded sign
And the girls down by the striptease shows go
Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go a waltzing Matilda with me

No I don't want your sympathy
Fugitives say
that the streets aren't for dreaming now
Manslaughter dragnet
and the ghosts that sell memories
They want a piece of the action anyhow
Go waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda
You'll go waltzing Matilda with me

And you can ask any sailor
And the keys from the jailor
And the old men in wheelchairs know
Matilda's the defendant
She killed about a hundred
And she follows wherever you may go
Waltzing Matilda, waltzing matilda, you'll go a-waltzing matilda with me

A battered old suitcase,
In a hotel someplace,
And a wound that will never heal.
No prima donna, that perfume is on an old shirt
That is stained with
Blood and whiskey
And goodnight to the street sweepers
The night watchmen, flame keepers
And goodnight Matilda too.

"I'm gonna do a song called 'Waltzing Matilda'. It's not really the original 'Waltzing Matilda', I kinda bent it out of shape. And eh... but eh.. I was eh around this beautiful girl for a while and I was really crazy about her... so was her husband. So we could've made quite a trio on piano, bass, and drums. So eh what happened was eh... Well it's eh... Actually it's a real short story. I drank too much and I threw up over my tennis shoes and went to sleep in a men's room..." (Tom Waits, West Chester Jazz Festival. West Chester, USA, 1976)


"For a long time the story has been told, that Tom Waits wrote the song about the violinist Mathilde Bondo, and that's the truth, Mathilde assures us: 'He was in Copenhagen in 1976 to perform in a tv-show, in which I played the violin. And afterwards I of course had to show him the City - we were in Tivoli and on Christianshavn. It was a lovely night out", says Mathilde Bondo."

Hearing Impaired like a Constipated Owl

Jodee Berry, of Panama City, Florida, U.S.A., was a waitress at Hooters.
As part of a sales promotion, in April... The waitresses were told the one who sold most beer would win a new Toyota.
Or that's what she thought she heard.
Jodee won, and was led blindfold to the parking lot, and told she could take the blindfold off, and see her prize.... This. A new toy Yoda.
The manager was crying tears of mirth.
Not the winning waitress.
She sued the company, who settled out of court, after realising they were going to lose. The settlement?A sum of money, sufficient for her to go into a Toyota Dealership and choose any car she wanted.....
No news on whether she kept her old toy Yoda.


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