I am the grit in the gears, the missing bolt, I am the poker of sticks into spokes.
I like to know how things work, but sometimes when I take them apart and rebuild them, I have a few pieces left over.
I am a man, so I tend to leave reading the instructions until after it goes wrong.
And like all men I have a comprehensive mental map of the world and never need to ask directions.
I never get lost, only sometimes I'm late, or end up in the wrong place entirely.
It's what we do.
Sigh. I thought it might take a while. but my attempt to post a mystery item is soundly defeated. dlhe was close, but Minx is EXACTLY on target, a direct hit. A Banana protector, from http://www.bananabunker.com/ Currently, one is on display in the Museum of Modern Art, (MoMA)New York. In all these years, I've found the natural packaging of the banana to be adequate. I think modern bananas must be wimps.
Stud Magazine, Steve? Do I hear the patter of tiny hooves?
So: I went to the fancy dress store, asked for a costume fig leaf, to go to a party as Adam. I tried it in the changing room, but had to return to the assistant, and ask for a larger one, as it didn't cover my requirements. The replacement was a bit better, but still not quite... The third nearly, but not quite covered my requirements. And they had no more. I begged the lady to find me an alternative. She came out with a stencil. And sprayed "ESSO" across my chest. I looked puzzled, no doubt. "Best I can do," she said, "I suggest you throw your requirements over your shoulder and go as a gas-pump".
Okay. It's a lie. in real life, a clover leaf would be enough...
So... One of the big oilcos in Britain is British Petroleum, BP.
This guy... is driving down the road, when..Sputter Cough, Pop, Bang, the car rolls to a halt. oh no. Fuel gauge on empty.
His passenger, not fazed by anything, gets out of the car... wanders off along the verge... Whips off her bra, and using it like oven mittens, sarts picking insects off the wild flowers. She holds them over the fuel filler, whistling... The driver is bemused. After a while she says..."That ought to do it. Try it now" RRRRRRRRRRRRR rrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrr Yes, the car is running perfectly. "But how did you do that?" he asks.
"Gracious", she said, her green eyes blinking innocently, "I can't imagine."
ReplyDeleteYou're just dying to tell us now aren't you?
A banana holder?
ReplyDeleteBanana Bunker's to stop yer banana's getting hurt in a fight.
ReplyDeleteSigh.
ReplyDeleteI thought it might take a while.
but my attempt to post a mystery item is soundly defeated.
dlhe was close, but Minx is EXACTLY on target, a direct hit.
A Banana protector, from http://www.bananabunker.com/
Currently, one is on display in the Museum of Modern Art, (MoMA)New York.
In all these years, I've found the natural packaging of the banana to be adequate. I think modern bananas must be wimps.
Now you have REALLY ruined my fantasy banana bunker day!!!
ReplyDeleteBTW- I believe that brassiere is mine.
That looks a lot like what they sent me when I answered that ad in "Stud" Magazine.
ReplyDeleteStud Magazine, Steve?
ReplyDeleteDo I hear the patter of tiny hooves?
So:
I went to the fancy dress store, asked for a costume fig leaf, to go to a party as Adam. I tried it in the changing room, but had to return to the assistant, and ask for a larger one, as it didn't cover my requirements.
The replacement was a bit better, but still not quite...
The third nearly, but not quite covered my requirements.
And they had no more.
I begged the lady to find me an alternative.
She came out with a stencil.
And sprayed "ESSO" across my chest.
I looked puzzled, no doubt.
"Best I can do," she said, "I suggest you throw your requirements over your shoulder and go as a gas-pump".
Okay.
It's a lie. in real life, a clover leaf would be enough...
HAHAHAHA!!
ReplyDeleteYou guys WISH!
However, with the price of gas these days you would be the most popular guy in the room.
So...
ReplyDeleteOne of the big oilcos in Britain is British Petroleum, BP.
This guy... is driving down the road, when..Sputter Cough, Pop, Bang, the car rolls to a halt.
oh no. Fuel gauge on empty.
His passenger, not fazed by anything, gets out of the car... wanders off along the verge... Whips off her bra, and using it like oven mittens, sarts picking insects off the wild flowers.
She holds them over the fuel filler, whistling...
The driver is bemused.
After a while she says..."That ought to do it. Try it now"
RRRRRRRRRRRRR rrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrr Yes, the car is running perfectly.
"But how did you do that?" he asks.
"Oh, Bee Pee......"
GROAN!! But there is a bra theme going, I see.
ReplyDeleteYeah souby, it didn't work for me either.
ReplyDelete